Conehead
Notes and Comments
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YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS Conehead Notes and Comments |
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Conehead...she ain't really dumb She's just a Conehead...'tater chip crumbs All over her face Is there any more beer Stashed away at her place? She's just a Conhead...she can't help herself "She's a Conehead girl..." |
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| Anyway, the thumbnail origin of the Coneheads is as follows: | ||
| Beldar and his wife, Primat were sent from the home planet of Remulak to earth to serve as Temporary Overlords until the arrival of an expected fleet of star cruisers. Unfortunately, Beldar not only lost the speech he was to deliver to the heads of all earth nations, but he also lost control of their spaceship and crashed it into Lake Michigan. He and his wife then decided to wait for the arrival of the fleet. Unfortunately on Remulak there were numerous cutbacks in the space conquest program and, when they realized that the fleet wasn't coming, Beldar and Primat Conehead "assimilated" themselves into the earthlings culture. Beldar took a job as a driving instructor while Primat cared for their newly-born daughter, Connie. Our first introduction to the Coneheads takes place circa 17 years after their arrival on earth. By this time Connie is a high-school student. After telling Connie about her origins, Beldar instructs her to tell anyone who asks where her family is from to say: "France." | ||
| Anyway, FZ was the Guest Host of SNL (I think it was in December of either 1977 or 78) and not only appeared in a Coneheads sketch as part of his host duties, but at one point he also wore a dented version of the Coneheads "appliance". For some overall details about FZ on SNL, I direct your attention to the following: | ||
| STEREO REVIEW INTERVIEWS FZ, APRIL 1979 | ||
| On just having hosted Saturday Night Live: | ||
| "It's a very difficult thing to do; they never make it easy on anyone who hosts the show. All the direction and attention goes to the sketches. They're not called skits - they become _incensed_ if you call them skits - and it's all designed to accommodate the people who are regulars on the show, so anybody who goes on there to hosts is at a severe disadvantage. Because they never tell you what camera is on, and you're not supposed to memorize your script because they're rewriting right up to show time. And so you're looking at the cue cards, and unless you're used to acting live on TV, you haven't got a prayer; you'll be looking at the wrong camera. It was really hard. | ||
| "And the other thing that happened was - and I didn't find out about it until the day after the show - that the first day I went there for the meetings with them they didn't like me and wanted to get rid of me. But no one said anything to my face while I was working on the thing. So they had written dialogue for me to say that I wouldn't normally say; they wouldn't let me write any of my own stuff. | ||
| "I think I'd be a fantastic television personality. I think I'd be a real good interviewer if I had a talk show, or a variety show. I'd be really good at it. But just to get up there and be the dumbbell in _A Night_On_Freak_ Mountain_ ...I mean, sure, I'll do that for a laugh, but I'm not gonna build a life on it. | ||
| As if that wasn't enough, just to give you folks the complete lo-down on the FZ-Conehead connection, here's the transcript of the Coneheads sketch that FZ was in: | ||
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Transcribed 04.12.95 by evilbob@tbag.tscs.com |
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| Sorry folks, but I missed taping the first circa 15 seconds of this sketch because I had to boot up my VCR. I was just idly taping SNL reruns on MTV anyway and I had no idea that FZ was going to be in this show. | ||
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THE CONEHEADS AT HOME GUEST-STARRING FRANK ZAPPA |
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| (PRIMAT AND BELDAR CONEHEAD ARE SEATED ON THEIR SOFA. BEFORE THEM IS A TABLE STACKED HIGH WITH POTATO CHIPS AND SIX-PACKS OF BEER) | ||
| PRIMAT: Beldar, we must maintain our lawn spaces to our human neighbors. You must collect the fallen tree particles. | ||
| BELDAR: There is no human custom which says the female spousal unit may not collect the tree particles. | ||
| PRIMAT: But I was the one who installed the exterior transparent weather panels! | ||
| BELDAR: Mebst! Mebst! (etc.) | ||
| PRIMAT: Mebst! Mebst! (etc.) | ||
| (ENTER: CONNIE) | ||
| CONNIE: Greetings, parental units. | ||
| (CONNIE WALKS TO THE STAIRS) | ||
| BELDAR: Wait! Get your young cone over here. | ||
| PRIMAT: You must consume mass quantities. | ||
| CONNIE: No! I have a date. I must prepare my cone. | ||
| PRIMAT: Mebst! You had a date last night! Beldar, it is vital that you address our young one. | ||
| BELDAR: Connie, we are concerned with the increasing frequency of your nocturnal interactions with the humans. | ||
| CONNIE: Do not be concerned. I can handle myself. | ||
| BELDAR: Good. You know, Connie, Primat and I are not completely unaware of the problems which present themselves to you as a young attractive cone on this miserable planet. | ||
| CONNIE: Oh boy. You're not going to relate your life tales about the ArZoolians again? | ||
| PRIMAT: No, but realize that when I was young I lived with my parental units on the planet Garnap in the Krint belts. All during this time not one Garneethian laid a tendril on my cone. So that on the day when Beldar and I had our langthools joined by ShebFarr the Relentless, I presented Beldar with an unhoned cone. | ||
| BELDAR: Mmmm, and it heightened the senso-experience for both of us. | ||
| PRIMAT: We did not leave our Guzz Module for three whole Dreeolds. | ||
| BELDAR: And except for those two Flathrags from MeepZor, it was my first time as well. | ||
| PRIMAT: Flathrags! You never told me about Flathrags from MeepZor! Mebst! | ||
| BELDAR: Mebst! | ||
| (THE DOORBELL RINGS) | ||
| CONNIE: Mom, My date! I have not prepared my cone! Parental units, please greet the human! | ||
| BELDAR AND PRIMAT: Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! | ||
| (WHILE CONNIE EXITS UPSTAIRS, BELDAR AND PRIMAT CROSS TO THE DOOR AND OPEN IT. FRANK ZAPPA ENTERS WEARING A TRENCH COAT AND A FUZZY FEDORA.) | ||
| BELDAR: Greetings. | ||
| PRIMAT: Enter. | ||
| FZ: Hello. You must be Mr. and Mrs. Conehead. | ||
| BELDAR: Yes. Correct. Your name? | ||
| FZ: Frank Zappa. | ||
| PRIMAT: What is your function on this planet? | ||
| FZ: I am a musician and I'm giving a concert. | ||
| BELDAR: Concert? | ||
| PRIMAT: Concert. A voluntary gathering of humans to absorb sound patterns. | ||
| BELDAR: Primat, assist our young one while I communicate with this human. | ||
| (EXIT: PRIMAT) | ||
| BELDAR: I invite you to consume mass quantities. | ||
| (BELDAR AND FZ CROSS THE ROOM AND SEAT THEMSELVES ON THE SOFA. FZ WATCHES AND IMITATES WHILE BELDAR OPENS AN ENTIRE 6-PACK OF BEER AND TAKES A SWIG. THEN BELDAR WRENCHES OPEN A BAG OF POTATO CHIPS AND STUFFS A LARGE HANDFUL INTO HIS MOUTH. FZ FOLLOWS SUIT.) | ||
| BELDAR: So, Zappa! Where did you meet.....? | ||
| (AT THIS POINT FZ SUDDENLY REALIZES THAT HE HAS TO DELIVER A LINE OF DIALOGUE BUT HE HAS A MOUTHFUL OF POTATO CHIPS AND BEER. HE BENDS FORWARD AND SORT OF COVERS HIS MOUTH AS HE SPITS OUT THE CHIPS AND BEER ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF THE SOFA - BOTH HE AND THE AUDIENCE BEGIN LAUGHING.) | ||
| FZ: Excuse me! | ||
| BELDAR: Zappa! | ||
| FZ: Yeah. | ||
| BELDAR: Where did you meet our young one? | ||
| FZ: I spotted her in the front row last night and I knew she was really special. | ||
| BELDAR: Naturally as a parental unit I am concerned with whom our young one interacts. | ||
| FZ: Well, Connie told me where you're coming from.... | ||
| (FZ LAUGHS AGAIN) | ||
| FZ: And I realize that as French people you must be very wary of Americans. Don't worry, I used to have a French person in the band and I know I can take good care of her. | ||
| BELDAR: Good. | ||
| (ENTER CONNIE AND PRIMAT. CONNIE IS NOW WEARING A HEAD-BAND AROUND THE UPPER PART OF HER CONEHEAD. FZ GETS UP AND STANDS NEXT TO CONNIE WITH HIS ARM AROUND HER WAIST.) | ||
| FZ: Hi, Connie. | ||
| CONNIE: Hi, Frank. Excuse my parental units if they have presented you with square doctrines. | ||
| FZ: No, they're not square, they're okay. | ||
| (PRIMAT HOLDS UP A COPY OF STUDIO TAN) | ||
| PRIMAT: Connie has many of these discs which are gifts from this human. | ||
| BELDAR: You? Produce these? | ||
| FZ: Yes, this is an unauthorized collection of my latest sound patterens. | ||
| BELDAR: I, Beldar, approve. Au revoir. | ||
| (FZ AND CONNIE CROSS TO THE DOOR AND OPEN IT) | ||
| PRIMAT: Return at the pre-designated time coordinates! | ||
| CONNIE: Yeah, yeah. | ||
| FZ: Nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Conehead. | ||
| (FZ AND CONNIE EXIT. BELDAR REMOVES THE ALBUM FROM THE RECORD JACKET) | ||
| BELDAR: Mmmmm. What fine compressed petroleum binding polymers. | ||
| (PRIMAT AND BELDAR EACH TAKE A LARGE BITE OUT OF THE ALBUM AND BEGIN EATING IT) | ||
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THE END |
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| I wonder if this last bit has anything to do with the FZCCC phrase: "Eat the label"? | ||
| Question: BBC TV (England) showed the Dan Ackroyd movie Coneheads on 17/8/96 and I kept getting the idea that the original idea for the movie was based on a Saturday Night Live sketch - which I have never seen. Does this pre-date the Zappa track - Conehead? | ||
| Answer: | ||
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| 1. Saturday Night Live sketches (with FZ appearing in one) | ||
| 2. FZ song | ||
| 3. feature film | ||
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Pitch her a ring That is the thing That's getting her hot-uh A hoop or a ring Goin' over the top of her Conehead |
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Any proposal? I'd like to hear!
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Provocation, compilation and design © Vladimir Sovetov, 1994-2004 You could download, copy and redistribute this material freely as long as you keep copyright notice intact and don't make any profite on it. |